Patience
Author's Note: For this week I read Ancient Egyptian folklore from Egyptian Myth and Legend by Donald Mackenzie; and I was not disappointed with the tales. There was one issue I was unsure about and wanted to address in my story. Osiris is a great and peaceful ruler who is envied by Set who desires war and chaos. Set deceives Osiris by tricking him into fitting himself in a chest. Which as soon as he is in the chest, Set orders his men to nail it shut and seal it with melted lead. In the unit, it is mentioned Osiris dies almost immediately and I was shocked because how does someone die immediately by having the lid shut on them. So I came up with the conclusion that Ra saw what was taking place and saved Osiris by putting him in a coma-like sleep where he is consciously aware of what is going on around him. This always adds angst to the Osiris and his consort wife Isis. I played with the idea that Osiris had undying faith Isis would come and find him. Ultimately saving him. I'm a romantic that way!
A part of him was hesitant, a slight uneasy weight settled itself in his stomach the moment he settled himself in the fitted chest. That uneasiness grew tenfold when Set's eyes, sparked with malicious intent, were the last thing he saw before the lid of the chest was slammed shut. Heard nails hammering and smelled melted lead.
This chest would be his death bed.
The panic creeped up his body: the tightness in his chest made it hard to breathe; sweat beaded on his heads and forehead; his hands started to tremble; and his vision swam.
He could feel his body start to slip into unconsciousness, then he heard a voice. Ra’s voice echoed in his mind, Sleep.
His body slowly went limp. First, the numbness started in his fingers and toes, then his arms and legs until he felt a weightlessness surrounding him. His eyelids drooped, and he sighed a name with his last breath, Isis.
= = =
He knows something is amiss when he awakens and he cannot open his eyes or move his body. His memories come swarming back: the feast, Set and the chest prison, then he is suddenly shaken by a noise of a woman wailing.
He can distinguish his name being cried out.
Isis.
Isis is mourning him and he can do nothing to comfort her.
He comes to the realization that if anyone could break him from his prison, it would be his consort, his wife.
He can be patient.
= = =
Though he is physical trapped in his decorated prison, he is aware of all the ongoings around him.
She is pregnant and he feels the earth rumble with joy when his son enters the world.
Time passes, and he knows the moment his son’s heart stops beating. His heart aches and the need to shed tears is unbearable, but his eyes remain dry and still. He can hear Isis’ cries. He wants to comfort her, but his body remains motionless. He feels the earth shake with relief when Ra revives his son.
He hears water around him, and there are no voices to be heard.
He knows the creatures who live around him in his chest prison, enveloped by a massive tree.
After months of silence, and then he hears her voice. Not from miles away, but next to him. She has found him.
She whispers to him, softly and full of sorrow. He realizes, she believes he is dead. She does not know that he is trapped within his body.
He feels the warmth of sun on his body, and he would breathe a sigh of relief if he could. Suddenly, the touch of Isis’ lips on his is as if he is being kissed by fire. He relishes the feeling until he realizes he feels tears dropping onto his face.
= = =
All he feels is blinding pain. His body cut into pieces, Set's laughter echoing in his ears while Isis' wails and anger resonates in his mind.
All the different senses from his severed body is bewildering: the scorching sun; the freezing coldness of the Nile; and the brush of flesh against his own from an animal.
His faith in his consort, his wife does not waver. He waits.
= = =
Years pass, he hears the murmurs of his son growing into a god. A strong god who is trained in battle to take the throne back from Set, the usurper. He hears nothing of his wife until he hears her weeping with Nepthys.
A voice breaks from the weeping. Ra's voice surrounds him, Awaken.
For the first time in decades, he draws breath into his lungs. His chest heaving with air, until he is crushed with the weight of his consort, his wife.
He holds her tight to him, and thanks Ra for his blessing.
He pushes his face between her neck and shoulder. Breathing in her perfumes from her hair and whispers only for her, “I knew you would find me, I knew all along.”
He can distinguish his name being cried out.
Isis.
Isis is mourning him and he can do nothing to comfort her.
He comes to the realization that if anyone could break him from his prison, it would be his consort, his wife.
He can be patient.
= = =
Though he is physical trapped in his decorated prison, he is aware of all the ongoings around him.
She is pregnant and he feels the earth rumble with joy when his son enters the world.
Time passes, and he knows the moment his son’s heart stops beating. His heart aches and the need to shed tears is unbearable, but his eyes remain dry and still. He can hear Isis’ cries. He wants to comfort her, but his body remains motionless. He feels the earth shake with relief when Ra revives his son.
He hears water around him, and there are no voices to be heard.
He knows the creatures who live around him in his chest prison, enveloped by a massive tree.
After months of silence, and then he hears her voice. Not from miles away, but next to him. She has found him.
She whispers to him, softly and full of sorrow. He realizes, she believes he is dead. She does not know that he is trapped within his body.
He feels the warmth of sun on his body, and he would breathe a sigh of relief if he could. Suddenly, the touch of Isis’ lips on his is as if he is being kissed by fire. He relishes the feeling until he realizes he feels tears dropping onto his face.
= = =
All he feels is blinding pain. His body cut into pieces, Set's laughter echoing in his ears while Isis' wails and anger resonates in his mind.
All the different senses from his severed body is bewildering: the scorching sun; the freezing coldness of the Nile; and the brush of flesh against his own from an animal.
His faith in his consort, his wife does not waver. He waits.
= = =
Years pass, he hears the murmurs of his son growing into a god. A strong god who is trained in battle to take the throne back from Set, the usurper. He hears nothing of his wife until he hears her weeping with Nepthys.
A voice breaks from the weeping. Ra's voice surrounds him, Awaken.
For the first time in decades, he draws breath into his lungs. His chest heaving with air, until he is crushed with the weight of his consort, his wife.
He holds her tight to him, and thanks Ra for his blessing.
He pushes his face between her neck and shoulder. Breathing in her perfumes from her hair and whispers only for her, “I knew you would find me, I knew all along.”
Hi Lauren, I am glad you did a story! I already set up the groups for this week and you missed the grace period, so here's what to do: change the label on this to Week 6, and then you can do the Declaration for the Week 6 Story, which will also give you one less thing to worry about next week! :-)
ReplyDeleteNicely done! I liked the formatting of the story and your attention to detail with his emotions was really well done. The panic and anxiety he had was very obvious and you did great portraying that. Also, the bond between him and Isis was very touching! I love your writing style but I can't really explain the words-- like it feels short and straight to the point; it's very strong and amazing.
ReplyDelete"She is pregnant and he feels the earth rumble with joy when his son enters the world.
Time passes, and he knows the moment his son’s heart stops beating."
This made me so sad :((. It just really hit me, especially the part where he is able to tell when his son dies. I love it (and I also love that the son is brought back-- thanks for that).
"This chest would his death bed."
I think you forgot to add "be" to this :^). Also, with semicolons, I believe they're used to separate two sentences.
Thank you! I am glad I was able to create a strong story using the style I picked for this story.
DeleteThank you for catching the 'would be' mistake!
Wow Lauren; I really like this story. I think that you do a very good job of making the emotions almost palpable. I particularly like how you vary the size of the sentences; I think it's definitely a good technique. It makes the short sentences carry a lot of power and weight.
ReplyDelete"His faith in his consort, his wife does not waver. He waits."
I like your word choice a lot and how you broke the story up. I think that it's true to the storytelling and the original story.
Wow, this story is awesome! I kept wanting to read more, just waiting for him to finally be reunited with Isis! I love the direction you took this story. I have never read the original, but from reading your author's note, I think I can conclude that I like your ending better. I loved how full of emotion this story was. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great story to read. You really know how to keep your readers captivated and hooked right from the beginning. It is a talent and you really know how to use it well. The details your used made me connect to the characters and get right into the story with them.
ReplyDelete